My Hangover Cure

Regain consciousness about 7:30, after nearly four hours of dreamless sleep; check for body parts; confirm location in own bed; remove socks and putter to bathroom; pee, wondering why someone left an axe in head even though, clearly, effects of overindulgent inebriation have yet to wear off; avoid catching reflection in mirror; putter back to bed; fall asleep for another hour or so.

Haul ass from the sack at 8:45; return to bathroom, brush teeth, facing reflection—no visible signs of struggle, so why is the axe still in head?

Locate clothes, miraculously all in one heap, slowly dress, trying to avoid the din of zippers being pulled and buttons buttoning.

Gingerly do stomach exercises, half-heartedly, and yet with desired effect. Read sports pages, trying to get excited about reports of yet another half-dozen meaningless college bowl games.

Drink two cups of yesterday’s cold coffee, shiver, then take two Exedrin and several cups of water; wonder why both drinks taste like metal.

Overdress for the surprisingly warm day outside, open shed and pull down single-speed bike; be slightly amazed at still being able to ride; roll down the alley, trying to avoid running over any pebbles; bumps suck.

Pedal as hard as possible down hill, preferring the pain of spinning to the aforementioned head axe; stop in at Saigon Deli; eschew the delicacies marinating in the steam tables; order and drink sweet Vietnamese coffee; toss empty in dumpster.

Cruise through Pioneer Square taking account of trash heaps leftover from New Year’s revels; mash up past Pike Market and by Noc-Noc club, marveling at the partyers still going at nearly 10:00 in the morning.

Pound up Pike to Capitol Hill QFC; buy sixteen ounce Coke and drink half before paying; finish rest on ride to 15th Street; coast down Union, pedal home.

Let dog out; stand in back yard feeling almost whole again; eat cheese sandwich, read paper; write hangover cure blog entry; make more coffee; take a nap.