Bad Sports
It’s a lousy time to be a sports fan in Seattle.
The Mariners have the worst record in baseball; the Seahawks, once the only hope in the long, dark winter ahead, are already 0-2 and looking worse; the Huskies have lost their first three games with a defense more porous than John McCain’s gray matter; across the Cascades, the Washington State Cougars, also at 0-3, may have to change their name to the Pussycats; and even the Seattle Storm, in second place in their division and headed to the WNBA playoffs are without their star forward/center, Lauren Jackson, and so appear poised for an early exit from the post-season.
Still, you couldn’t pay me to live in any of the places with top major league baseball teams: Philadelphia? To paraphrase W.C. Fields, “On the whole, I’d rather be dead.” Los Angeles? The real LA is bad enough, but fucking Anaheim? Boston? Insufferable. And Tampa Bay? Just shoot me.
Football’s a little better; at least I could return to my hometown and cheer the Steelers on to victory at Heinz Field, but places like Tennessee or Carolina, or worst of all, Arizona—I wouldn’t move there even if it meant ten straight years of Superbowl victories.
If you listen to sports radio—and I admit it, I do, when I’m doing the dishes or mopping the floor—you’d think that having losing teams in your town was tantamount to being devastated by Hurricane Ike or something. Granted, it kind of sucks for sports bar owners and hot dog vendors at the stadiums when the home team is languishing in the cellar and the stands are empty of fans, but at least our downtown isn’t under water.
If I were a better person, I wouldn’t care about sports at all, (but then, if I were a better person, I’d be doing something more worthwhile than writing 327 word essays); the good news is, at least Mimi’s soccer team is undefeated.
The Mariners have the worst record in baseball; the Seahawks, once the only hope in the long, dark winter ahead, are already 0-2 and looking worse; the Huskies have lost their first three games with a defense more porous than John McCain’s gray matter; across the Cascades, the Washington State Cougars, also at 0-3, may have to change their name to the Pussycats; and even the Seattle Storm, in second place in their division and headed to the WNBA playoffs are without their star forward/center, Lauren Jackson, and so appear poised for an early exit from the post-season.
Still, you couldn’t pay me to live in any of the places with top major league baseball teams: Philadelphia? To paraphrase W.C. Fields, “On the whole, I’d rather be dead.” Los Angeles? The real LA is bad enough, but fucking Anaheim? Boston? Insufferable. And Tampa Bay? Just shoot me.
Football’s a little better; at least I could return to my hometown and cheer the Steelers on to victory at Heinz Field, but places like Tennessee or Carolina, or worst of all, Arizona—I wouldn’t move there even if it meant ten straight years of Superbowl victories.
If you listen to sports radio—and I admit it, I do, when I’m doing the dishes or mopping the floor—you’d think that having losing teams in your town was tantamount to being devastated by Hurricane Ike or something. Granted, it kind of sucks for sports bar owners and hot dog vendors at the stadiums when the home team is languishing in the cellar and the stands are empty of fans, but at least our downtown isn’t under water.
If I were a better person, I wouldn’t care about sports at all, (but then, if I were a better person, I’d be doing something more worthwhile than writing 327 word essays); the good news is, at least Mimi’s soccer team is undefeated.
posted by Professor Dave at 10:30 AM
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