I Accept
I am happy to say right here, right now that if Senator Obama offers me the Vice-President role, I will accept it.
If he decides to offer it instead to Hilary, that’s cool, but let it also be known that I’ll be happy to fill in as Under-Secretary of State (especially if Scarlett Johansson is Over-Secretary) or if need be, a tour guide at the White House, but only during the cooler winter months.
I do think though, I’d make a particularly fine Veep, especially for the honorable Senator from Illinois. In the first place, I clean up pretty good and look nice in a fine bespoke suit, the sort that folks just a heartbeat away from being the most powerful person in the free world generally get given to them by tailors falling all over themselves wanting to be suit maker to the stars.
Second, I can bring to the job that sort of gravitas that Senator Obama has been accused of lacking. I’m a full five years older than he is—when I was graduating high school, he was just a punk in 7th grade and I’ll be I could have taken him, even though I only weighed 127 pounds at the time—and I have a full head of gray hair, which makes me look very distinguished on television, at least when they film me from my good side, the rear.
Third, I have the requisite experience—from my years as a stand-up comedian—to perform the job: I can give toasts at state dinners, I know how to suck up to people in power, and I’m not afraid of jet travel, just so long as I’ve got a good book to read.
Now, I know that Senator O has a whole team of advisors advising him on whom to choose as a running mate; good for them, but my advice is he ought to choose a bicycling mate instead—and here I am.
If he decides to offer it instead to Hilary, that’s cool, but let it also be known that I’ll be happy to fill in as Under-Secretary of State (especially if Scarlett Johansson is Over-Secretary) or if need be, a tour guide at the White House, but only during the cooler winter months.
I do think though, I’d make a particularly fine Veep, especially for the honorable Senator from Illinois. In the first place, I clean up pretty good and look nice in a fine bespoke suit, the sort that folks just a heartbeat away from being the most powerful person in the free world generally get given to them by tailors falling all over themselves wanting to be suit maker to the stars.
Second, I can bring to the job that sort of gravitas that Senator Obama has been accused of lacking. I’m a full five years older than he is—when I was graduating high school, he was just a punk in 7th grade and I’ll be I could have taken him, even though I only weighed 127 pounds at the time—and I have a full head of gray hair, which makes me look very distinguished on television, at least when they film me from my good side, the rear.
Third, I have the requisite experience—from my years as a stand-up comedian—to perform the job: I can give toasts at state dinners, I know how to suck up to people in power, and I’m not afraid of jet travel, just so long as I’ve got a good book to read.
Now, I know that Senator O has a whole team of advisors advising him on whom to choose as a running mate; good for them, but my advice is he ought to choose a bicycling mate instead—and here I am.
posted by Professor Dave at 12:48 PM
1 Comments:
I'll write to Sr B. O. myself, and inform him that here is someone who I believe will work vigorously under Scarlett, perhaps alongside Chelsea?
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