Fundamentally Lazy

As I cling as tightly to the last few days of summer vacation as a conservative Republican does to tax breaks for the wealthy, it occurs to me that when all is said and done, I’m fundamentally a lazy person.

Oh sure, I’m up every day at 5:21 for two hours of yoga and a bike ride before breakfast, then it’s eaons of in-depth research into the very arcana of the universe and, of course, laboring diligently over another insightful, funny, and poignant essay offering solace and comfort to countless (can’t count to zero, can you?) individuals in all four corners of the globe, before fixing my family a gourmet meal gathered from my very own garden and boxes of macaroni and cheese harvested from the local Safeway, but in spite of all this and more (oversleeping, superficial friendships, recreational drug abuse), I’m still basically that same guy who—given half a chance—prefers to do nothing more than nothing or maybe augment that just a bit with a bike ride, a cup of coffee, and a few chapters of a cheesy novel or maybe a bicycle magazine.

So, I remain duly impressed with all these folks in Washington, and for that matter, Chicago and even Alaska, who seem so busy and driven, even if where they’re driving is no place I’d ever like to go.

I’m glad there are so many people who want to work so hard, because somebody’s got to pick up my slack, and there’s plenty of it.

Oh, I know once school starts, I’ll give over sleeping, and take to eating only fast food while riding my bike in order to ensure that I craft only the most meaningful and moving educational experiences for all my students (except that one kid who can’t stop playing with his cell phone), but for right now, I give free rein to my truer self, the one who’s so lazy that, when writing, he can’t even complete