My Convention Speech
My fellow Democrats, Americans, and the few among you who, like me, also put jelly and mustard on our Cheddar cheese sandwiches, I come before you today, proud of our shared history, flush with hope for the future, and quite amazed that so far, no one has gotten pukey from last night’s seafood buffet.
We find ourselves at a crossroads in America, and while the GPS navigation system insists we should turn right, I’m almost positive there’s a liquor store that stays open late just down the road to the left a couple miles.
These are trying times we live in: global terrorism, international instability, fuel prices out of control, and worst of all, NFL Field Pass hasn’t workedd for Mac OS X all pre-season.
The failed policies of the current administration are evident all around: our country’s standing internationally is lower that it has ever been; why, just the other day, Lichtenstein of all places, stood on its tiptoes and was able to see that bald spot on the crown of our head.
I will never forget a man (or was it a group of schoolgirls?) I met on the campaign trail, old Whathisname, who told me that after 37 years of working for the same company, he was suddenly laid off—with no pension—when it was discovered the place had gone out of business 38 years ago.
According to the Republicans, and I quote, this is just “hard cheese,” but I believe we can do better than that—a Brie in every pot, crème fraiche on Sundays.
Back when I was a little boy, my father always said to me, “Son, get me a beer, would you?” And while he often had to get up an hour early in the morning just to beat Mom to the last one, those words have inspired this promise I make to you:
As your President, I will never fail to get you a beer. As long as I’m up.
We find ourselves at a crossroads in America, and while the GPS navigation system insists we should turn right, I’m almost positive there’s a liquor store that stays open late just down the road to the left a couple miles.
These are trying times we live in: global terrorism, international instability, fuel prices out of control, and worst of all, NFL Field Pass hasn’t workedd for Mac OS X all pre-season.
The failed policies of the current administration are evident all around: our country’s standing internationally is lower that it has ever been; why, just the other day, Lichtenstein of all places, stood on its tiptoes and was able to see that bald spot on the crown of our head.
I will never forget a man (or was it a group of schoolgirls?) I met on the campaign trail, old Whathisname, who told me that after 37 years of working for the same company, he was suddenly laid off—with no pension—when it was discovered the place had gone out of business 38 years ago.
According to the Republicans, and I quote, this is just “hard cheese,” but I believe we can do better than that—a Brie in every pot, crème fraiche on Sundays.
Back when I was a little boy, my father always said to me, “Son, get me a beer, would you?” And while he often had to get up an hour early in the morning just to beat Mom to the last one, those words have inspired this promise I make to you:
As your President, I will never fail to get you a beer. As long as I’m up.
posted by Professor Dave at 2:58 PM
1 Comments:
If nominated, you shold not run and if elected you probably should not serve. it's for the good of the country. but would you get me a beer; since your up.
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