Philosophy Camp 2008

I’m here at Philosophy Camp II and we’re doing Buddhist meditation and reading Marcus Aurelius and the theme that emerges is freedom from desire or at least—as I get Marcus, anyway—equanimity in the face of unrealized desire.

And I guess I agree; after all, no sense in getting all exercised about what’s impossible. And in the grand scheme of things we are just, in Marcus’ words, “as smoke and nothing at all.”

But then, on the other hand, this life is all we’ve got and if it weren’t for my desires, then who would I be?

Seems to me that all the things I want and wish or and strive to do (if you can call getting up at 10:00 and then napping all afternoon “striving”) are what makes up the person I am. Different desires, different Dave. (Like if what I really wanted was to be rich narcissist who thinks he can get away with whatever he wants as long as he goes on TV to apologize, then I’d be Dave “John” Edwards.)

And yes, I understand that all my suffering (if you can call having to occasionally drink yesterday’s coffee in the morning “suffering”) is a direct result of my desires and were I free of them I would be free of suffering; but then what would I be? A mushroom?

And if my desires are the foundation of whom I am, then complaining about them would be a complaint about me; and if that’s the case, then I’m clearly exhibiting a desire to change the way things are, or at least, how I am in my perception of them.

Even the desire to be desire-free is a desire, after all.

In any case, it seems untoward to worrying about it in a place of such sylvan beauty.

Here’s how Marcus puts it: “Imagine every man who is grieved at anything or discontented to be like a pig which I sacrificed and kicks and screams.”