South Seattle No-Belly Diet
You’ve probably heard of the South Beach or the Flat-Belly diets, both of which promise to rid you of your unsightly gut in just 30 days of healthy eating and moderate exercise.
Well sure; anybody can lose weight THAT way.
What most people are looking for, though, is a way to get back down their fighting weight while still eating junk food and lying around on the couch at all hours of the day and night.
Thankfully, therefore, I’m introducing the South Seattle No-Belly Diet, a breakthrough diet plan that allows you to eat whatever you want whenever you want, and not only never gain an ounce, but actually lose weight every day.
Here’s how it works, via a sample menu
For Breakfast:
• 3 cups of black coffee, no sugar
• the leftover crusts from your daughter and/or wife’s toast
• cold pizza if you can rustle up a piece
• all the nuts or granola you want, provided you eat quickly standing up over the sink
For Lunch:
• 2 cups of cold black coffee, sugar, with soda water
• a loaf of bread, eaten over the course of an hour or two, continually promising yourself this is the last piece
• beer, but you have to chug it and hide the can in the recycling
For Dinner:
• at 4:20, indulge yourself with what the kids today call “420.” This will take way your appetite for a while but then have you downing an entire bunch of purple grapes, some dipped in hot mustard just to see how it tastes
• more beer, but only the first three slugs from any bottle before mislaying it somewhere while wandering about
Following this simple plan will have the pounds all but “melting off;” and if they don’t, then simply fire up a propane torch and apply it liberally to the waist and hips.
Be sure to catch the drippings!
That’s real good eatin’ all day long.
Well sure; anybody can lose weight THAT way.
What most people are looking for, though, is a way to get back down their fighting weight while still eating junk food and lying around on the couch at all hours of the day and night.
Thankfully, therefore, I’m introducing the South Seattle No-Belly Diet, a breakthrough diet plan that allows you to eat whatever you want whenever you want, and not only never gain an ounce, but actually lose weight every day.
Here’s how it works, via a sample menu
For Breakfast:
• 3 cups of black coffee, no sugar
• the leftover crusts from your daughter and/or wife’s toast
• cold pizza if you can rustle up a piece
• all the nuts or granola you want, provided you eat quickly standing up over the sink
For Lunch:
• 2 cups of cold black coffee, sugar, with soda water
• a loaf of bread, eaten over the course of an hour or two, continually promising yourself this is the last piece
• beer, but you have to chug it and hide the can in the recycling
For Dinner:
• at 4:20, indulge yourself with what the kids today call “420.” This will take way your appetite for a while but then have you downing an entire bunch of purple grapes, some dipped in hot mustard just to see how it tastes
• more beer, but only the first three slugs from any bottle before mislaying it somewhere while wandering about
Following this simple plan will have the pounds all but “melting off;” and if they don’t, then simply fire up a propane torch and apply it liberally to the waist and hips.
Be sure to catch the drippings!
That’s real good eatin’ all day long.
posted by Professor Dave at 3:02 PM
2 Comments:
Yes, lets not forget the drippings.
sounds like my diet plan when Christi is out of town—especially the standing and eating and 420ing. not so much down with the grape dip, but say la veeee.
I love this diet but people have to understand you STILL have to work out lol. Check Out Flatdiet.com for some more info on the flatbellydiet
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