New Bike

I could have the new Tournesol by this weekend, and I’m pretty excited about it. Having put in my order fifteen years ago—the amount of time needed to vet it by both the Hampsten brothers and to have it submitted for approval by ancient Hindu sages courtesy of the company’s spiritual director, Douglas Brooks—I’m understandably impatient, but as I want to make sure everything’s just right and fitted with precisely the parts I want, I consider the wait well worth it.

Naturally, I’m going with some pretty special components, including ShelBroCo Powerwheels, the Nanodrive Quarter-Twenty for road bikes, and I’m even having it outfitted with the geomagnetic booster, which I’m pretty thrilled about given that much of my daily commute is mostly in a northerly direction.

I’ve looked into getting a RealMan saddle, but they’re all out of the granite versions, so instead, I’m gonna install Brooks’ brand-new Pork SuperSwift, which uses a single piece of dried bacon over titanium rails to achieve the ultimate marriage of comfort, weight savings, and rich, smoky flavor.

Thanks to a special deal in the wake of today’s announcement of Shimano and Campagnolo merging into a single company—Campagmano—I’m privileged to be the first person in the US who’ll get to use their new Fibroptico fiber-optic cables for my derailers and brakes. Now, I’ll be able to “shift and slow and the speed of light!” Pretty rad, no?

Tires were a big question, but informed by the recent Jan Heine article in Bicycle Quarterly, which ranked every model of the new 649.5Q size by rolling resistance through both honey and molasses cooled to exactly 7 degrees centigrade, it’s clear that the choice has to be Michelin’s proprietary Pufferwiggle, whose casings are actually made from the skin of the Michelin man himself.

Which leaves just one last thing: for durability and comfort, Grant Peterson is installing a Riv All-Rounder inside the Tournesol frame; and as soon as that’s done, I’ll be on the road.