Be Yourself

One of the standard pieces of advice we are given (and/or give) in our lives is to “be yourself.” We are advised (and/or advise) to refrain from pretending to be someone we’re not, to “act naturally,” and to not “put on airs.” The message is that if we express our authentic nature, then everyone will love us and everything will turn out for the best.

While this is certainly good counsel, it raises a difficult question: What does it mean to “be yourself?”

How do I know when I’m being who I am? How can I tell when my behavior is an authentic expression of my true nature and not a pathetic attempt to emulate someone I’m not? What if who I really am is someone who pathetically emulates others? What if my true nature, after all, is to be a copycat?

One clue for me, historically, has been this bad feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I’m drifting away from my essential self. Whenever I’m doing something that represents a major departure from the person I am, I get a bellyache. Like when I worked as a busboy for an afternoon (I lasted 3 hours before quitting); the whole time I felt sick to my stomach (although that could have been from the rancid cream cheese I had to clean up).

The tricky part, though, is that I also get this feeling when I’m doing something that pushes the boundaries of who I am in a good way, like when I teach kids or give a speech to groups of people whose opinions matter to me.

I suppose the real issue here is that there never really is a “yourself” for you to be; we’re always defining the person we are by what we do. So we should do what feels right and in doing so, we’ll be the right person.

Even if it gives us a stomachache when we do it.