Justdoit

Three times during the last few weeks I’ve been semi right-hooked by cars and twice, at least, parked vehicles have pulled out in front of me as I’m passing them.

But this being Seattle, where everybody’s “Seattle Nice,” they’ve each stopped in the middle of their dumbfuckery and gone all apologetic, as if the fact that their three thousand pound vehicle sitting there in front of me making me have to slam on the brakes is somehow to be overlooked and I can magically continue on even though my path forward is blocked their door panels and fenders.

So I say to them: “Thanks, but no thanks.”

If you’re gonna run me off the road, just go ahead and do it already; don’t pretend that stopping halfway through your cluelessness makes it any less clueless.

I mean, I’ve already prevented myself from slamming into you; you might as well continue your turn and get the hell out of my way sooner rather than later.

Sure, I appreciate that you’ve recognized that you fucked up, but wouldn’t it have been better not to have done so in the first place? Now that you’re sitting there blocking my way, what’s the point? I’m sure you’re a lovable human being in your own way; maybe you’re just a douche behind the wheel of a car.

Like the other day, I’m rolling down Jackson Street and this Ford Bronco zips around me just in time to cut right immediately into a parking lot. I’m all like “what the fuck?” but manage to panic stop before I crash into him. But instead of completing the turn, the guy stops and gives me the “oops” look through his passenger side window. I grimace back at him and then have to swing wide around him, dangerously into the other lane’s traffic to continue on my way.

“No kindness ever goes unpunished” said Oscar Wilde; corollary for these drivers: “Your kindness is ever not punishing.”