Thursday, November 24, 2011


This being Thanksgiving, I’m doing my patriotic duty as an American male by watching me some football on the big-screen TV in high-definition.

As silly as the sport it, it’s nevertheless relatively relaxing—primarily because the Steelers aren’t playing—to watch large men in tights run around and into each other for the enjoyment of fans in the stands and catching the game on the tube.

I do have to say, though, that there are a couple of things about the sport I just find terribly annoying, namely above all, fucking pass interference and holding penalties. It seems to me that the refs could call either of them on just about every single play, and so it’s relatively arbitrary when they do.

To my way of thinking, they ought to let defensive backs do whatever they want to receivers when the ball is in the air; tackle the guy, poke him in the eye, punch his nuts—that would make catching a pass something meaningful rather than the sissified nonsense it is right now.

Similarly, the league should allow linemen to use whatever means they want—tripping, punching, nut-punching—to keep defensive backs away from their quarterback, and it would likely even out whatever advantage would accrue to the defense for being allowed to smash receivers.

As a general rule, officials have way too much effect on the game; I say let the players play, even if it means—well, especially if it means—that there is increased mayhem and violence on the field.

Naturally, I don’t really want to see players getting hurt—except, of course, Tom Brady—but isn’t the game suppose to be all about which team is more physical?

Back in the days of the Steel Curtain in Pittsburgh, they used to let linebackers wear casts on their forearms to crack the heads of their opponents; that’s the kind of play that I miss; how about going back to leather helmets for everyone?


Anonymous Frozen Prairie said...

All of your ideas for improving football are excellent.

I have a few thoughts on the subject too:

Why does the field have to be so flat and uniform? Surely a hillock or two (a grassy knoll in Dallas ?) would make things more interesting.

How about a watery ditch or a section of deep sand ?

And finally, put twenty or so of those big, round, straw bales on the field to create a psuedo-maze. I'm told the Romans did a similar thing in their colosseums to great effect.

I would love to watch a game with your rules, played on my field !


11:19 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home