Friday, December 17, 2010


I blame the bus.

Every time I’ve lost something in the last few weeks—and it’s getting ridiculous now: a helmet, one and a half pairs of arm warmers, my wallet (although happily it was returned intact), a hat, every other page of the readings for philosophy camp, my dignity (no great loss), etc., etc.—there’s been a ride on public transportation involved.

I could chalk it up to hurrying to get on board, or that when I take the bus, I don’t wear all my gear, whereas when I ride, I put it all on my person or immediately realize that I’ve left it behind or dropped something, but I think it’s more than that. I think the Sound Transit and Metro vehicles are out to drive me crazy, by randomly snatching away things I own and dropping them into some bottomless vortex far beyond the reach of their Lost and Found Department.

Why this is so, I’m not sure. Perhaps the busses are jealous of my bike-riding; or maybe the seats are hungry for wool fibers; or it could be that the drivers are running an underground black market in pre-worn clothing and accessories; I’m not sure what’s at the root of the scheme, but I’m convinced it’s a conspiracy nonetheless.

No doubt skeptics will claim that I’m just over-reacting, but like that old chestnut reminds us, “just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”

I’ve had my suspicions about this for some time now. Just this week, for instance, a Sound Transit driver deliberately ran me off the road just because I’d passed him on the right a bit earlier. And when I e-mailed a complaint letter, the person who wrote back was named “Renolda,” obviously an anagram for “Learn Do,” which proves the driver thought he was trying to teach me a lesson.

Plus, the scheduled arrival at the stop he nearly hit me: 3:27PM! Coincidence? I think not.


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