Technology

My internetz just had a little burp; I was without access to the tubes for like 10 minutes and my world all but came to a screeching halt; for instance, I had to stare at my own blank white page rather than surfing the web anytime I couldn’t think of the next thing to say and with all that time to reflect, it occurred to me how utterly dependent I am on all sorts of technologies that I have no idea how to operate.

I could no more figure out how to make zeros and ones swim through fiber optic wires and reform themselves into pretty pictures on my computer screen than I could seduce Angelina Jolie without the aid of Rohypnal; but that’s just the proverbial tip of the iceberg; I wouldn’t even, come to think about it, be able to make my morning cup of coffee on my own: harvesting and roasting the beans would be far enough beyond my ken; the part where someone had to figure out how to make a stove that can boil water, much less get the water into and out of my tap remains an absolute mystery.

I suppose this should worry me a bit; come the zombie apocalypse, I guess I’m fucked. But frankly, the whole survivalist thing has always left me rather cold; if civilization as we know it comes totally crashing down, I’d just as soon go with it. Last man alive? I don’t think so; I don’t even really like to be the last person to leave a party.

Not that I wouldn’t mind being slightly more handy; it would be great to be able to knock out a wall and put in a new kitchen over the weekend; as it is, I had to settle for knocking back a cold one and cleaning the refrigerator. I did, at least, rely on technology I know how to use: the hand-held bottle opener and a sponge.