Oprah's 327 Word Diet

That’s too bad for Oprah losing control of her weight again, but major props for being so forthright and all about her struggles. Part of me—and probably part of her (including some of those parts around the hips and thighs)—is just like, “So what, girl, just be who you are and you look hot no matter what,” but on the other hand, if it’s bumming her out to be heavier than she wishes she were (and we’ve all been there, or at least I have—and am, basically), then I have some tips.

Not that I myself follow them, but tips, nonetheless.

Above all, fuck diets. No way you can cut back on food and expect to not eventually gain back whatever you lost by starving yourself.

The only way to really lose weight isn’t to change what you eat; you have to change your habits. Diet changes don’t work; only lifestyle changes do.

You’ve got to do different things than the things that make you fatter than you want to be and so some of the behavior changes that might work include:

First thing: get outta your car. I’m sure this will be a tough one for arguably the most famous television celebrity in the world, but Oprah, honey, you’ve got to start walking (and biking if you can) more. And try taking the bus sometimes, too. That one change will make more of a difference than anything else you might undertake.

Second: never eat while doing anything else, like working, talking on the phone, or watching TV (unless you’re taking a real meal, with others, and watching something together.)

Third: do your own dishes. And don’t use a dishwasher.

Fourth: never eat standing up (except if you’re doing the dishes and snagging a leftover something-or-other.)

And finally: walk around your house naked as much as possible, checking yourself out in the mirror from all angles—and leave the webcam turned on all day, you hot hottie.