Good News
One of my all-time favorite jokes: Guy in the doctor’s office, doctor says to him, “Well, the tests came back and I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, you only have two weeks to live.” “Oh my god,” says the guy, “what’s the good news?” Doc answers, “See that nurse over there with the big tits? I’m fucking her!”
Ha-ha.
I’m looking for the equivalent of the doctor’s reply in today’s news. Stocks are tumbling, but see that company over there that made 40 billion dollars in profit last year? They’re fucking us!
I guess I understand the precedent that the Supreme Court used to reduce the punitive damages again Exxon-Mobil in the Valdez oil spill back in 1989, but insofar as the high court is where law is supposed to not merely be followed blindly but interpreted and critiqued, I’m appalled. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right, and just because maritime law says that punitive damages can’t exceed actual damages, doesn’t mean that the Court ought not to have overruled precedent and made sure that the people affected by the spill weren’t compensated better.
But what am I thinking? This is Oilmerica, right?
And then today, the bad news is that the Justices ruled that municipalities like Washington, DC, can’t ban handgun ownership. The good news, though? See that nurse over there with the big revolver?
I guess this is just a riff on the old bumper sticker: if guns are outlawed, then only outlaws will have guns. I say if only outlaws are guns, then only guns will have outlaws, which strikes me as equally incoherent.
Maybe there’s some good news to be found in the concatenation of these two rulings. Maybe all the folks who are now allowed to keep their Glocks should head over to the headquarters of Exxon Mobil and persuade senior execs to pay for their mess.
Good news is, they’re fucked.
Ha-ha.
I’m looking for the equivalent of the doctor’s reply in today’s news. Stocks are tumbling, but see that company over there that made 40 billion dollars in profit last year? They’re fucking us!
I guess I understand the precedent that the Supreme Court used to reduce the punitive damages again Exxon-Mobil in the Valdez oil spill back in 1989, but insofar as the high court is where law is supposed to not merely be followed blindly but interpreted and critiqued, I’m appalled. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right, and just because maritime law says that punitive damages can’t exceed actual damages, doesn’t mean that the Court ought not to have overruled precedent and made sure that the people affected by the spill weren’t compensated better.
But what am I thinking? This is Oilmerica, right?
And then today, the bad news is that the Justices ruled that municipalities like Washington, DC, can’t ban handgun ownership. The good news, though? See that nurse over there with the big revolver?
I guess this is just a riff on the old bumper sticker: if guns are outlawed, then only outlaws will have guns. I say if only outlaws are guns, then only guns will have outlaws, which strikes me as equally incoherent.
Maybe there’s some good news to be found in the concatenation of these two rulings. Maybe all the folks who are now allowed to keep their Glocks should head over to the headquarters of Exxon Mobil and persuade senior execs to pay for their mess.
Good news is, they’re fucked.
posted by Professor Dave at 11:37 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home