I Hate Football

It’s a good thing the Steelers eventually prevailed last night in their Sod Bowl game, eking out a 3-0 victory on a field goal with 17 seconds left in regulation, because, had they not, I’d have wanted to kick the dog, punch the wall, and throw my empty Rolling Rock bottle through the window.

Did I enjoy myself watching the game while listening to it several seconds delayed on the internet? Hard to say; I found it exciting at times, but mostly, it was like putting up with someone scratching their fingernails across a blackboard for a couple hours. My overall sense when it was over was one of relief; had it gone on much longer, I would have had to switch from beer to whiskey, generally not an advisable course of action on a school night.

But I wouldn’t have missed it; most of yesterday, I was looking forward to seeing the game and when it was delayed half an hour by lightening in the Steel City, I became impatient and a little out of sorts at the change in schedule.

The familiar voices of Steelers’ announcers Tunch Ilkin and Bill Hilgrove comforted me, though, and I anticipated an easy win over a lousy team, which would also earn me a few bucks on a sure bet that Pittsburgh would be up at least 10 points by the half.

Alas, it was not to be, and the game turned into a real nail-biter as neither team could get any offense going, in part due to the miserable conditions of the playing field, in part because Steelers’ coach Mike Tomlin seems to have caught the fucking “play conservative” bug and refused to open up the passing game even though every fucking time Pittsburgh had a third and short, they got stuffed on another fucking failed draw play.

See what I mean? Just thinking about it gets me all exercised and reminds me how much I hate football.