Ammo Day

I didn’t make it to the gun store yesterday to buy my hundred rounds of ammunition in celebration of National Ammo Day, the new holiday designated to commemorate the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. It wouldn’t have made much difference, anyway, given that I have no guns into which I could have inserted said ammo, but I do have an appalled appreciation for the chutzpah of the inventors of the event, and think it’s a precedent we ought to follow in the creation of more occasions to raise awareness for the other nine items in our country’s hallowed Bill of Rights.

How about, for instance, a day on which we all visit 10 places of worship to cheer on the First Amendment? Or even better, assuming that both indigenous Native American spiritual traditions and whacko 20th century hippie cults count as religions, too, everyone could eat 10 peyote buttons or take like 100 micrograms of LSD and not just reflect upon God, but could see Him, too.

I’m not sure what would be the appropriate way to cheer on the 4th Amendment, the one protecting citizens from unreasonable search and seizure. Maybe we could buy 10 locks and put them on our doors or write 10 letters to congresspeople against the Patriot Act.

Amendment VI is the one guaranteeing the right to a speedy trial; maybe the government could release 100 of the prisoners currently serving at Guantanomo.

And I’m thinking, why stop at just the original 10 Amendments.

Amendment 13, which abolished slavery, could be commemorated by letting high school students out of school for the day.

And Amendment 19, which gave women the right to vote, might be appropriately cheered on by kicking out of office 100 “old-boy’s network” cronies installed by the current misogynistic Presidential administration.

But of course, best of all to celebrate would be Amendment 21, which repealed Prohibition; I’m thinking a glass of 100-proof bourbon would be just right.