Sunday, October 02, 2005

Stupid Design

So God says:

“For Mysakes, I’m NOT a designer! If anything, I’m an artist, but I promise you, if I were a designer, I sure as hell would’ve done a better job on the project than the current model. Vestigial organs? What’s up with that? I’m into a cool, spare look, no extraneous frills, form follows function, that whole thing. You think I would have designed the platypus or the peacock? The flatworm, maybe, but I would’ve at least created some designer colors!

“Folks are always going on about the human eye, how irreducibly complex it is, how it couldn’t have just evolved, but that’s nonsense. Fisher-Price toy designers have put together an iris on their Playschool cameras that focuses more efficiently than the human eye! So, are you telling me that Me, the all-powerful, omnibenevolent, omniscient diety couldn’t do a better job than a couple of kids fresh out of Cal Arts or wherever?

“I suppose I should be flattered that so many of you think I’m responsible for so much, but at the same time, I’m more than a little peeved that so many of you think I would do such shoddy work. Why, for instance, would I have made the human digestive system so disgusting? A truly intelligent designer would have figured out a way to reduce the amount of waste generated in the alimentary process and He or She damn sure would have made that waste a lot more attractive and sweet smelling.

“And speaking of systems, had I designed it, your reproductive system would be way less baroque, too. Sexual intercourse? Nine month gestation period? Labor? Please. I’m thinking the whole process could be done with a microwave and a zipper; you get your kid in an afternoon and it’s already toilet trained.

"A moment’s reflection will reveal the surefire argument against intelligent design. Had I designed you, I definitely would have made you smart enough not to believe in intelligent design!”


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