Tuesday, July 31, 2012


As it’s the last day of July, I’m starting to get nervous about summer ending. 

I’ve only swum in the lake twice and my quota of afternoon naps is far from being reached. 

I fear it’s time to put the brakes on time so I can savor my last few weeks of freedom before school starts.

Fortunately, I’ve figured out how to do that, though; it’s really quite simple.

You know how time drags when you’re bored out of your mind?  Like when you’re sitting in 10th grade math class and the teacher is reading problems from the book?  Or you’re at a half-day mandatory professional development meeting on the subject of earthquake safety?

The clock turns into something out of a Salvador Dali painting and the seconds seem to ooze by like Ol’ Man River performed by chilled molasses.  Everything slows down except for your patience and you begin to imagine you’ll be trapped there forever.

The good news is that by employing this same strategy, I’m able to make summer last longer.  Consequently, I’m doing everything I can to make sure I stay as bored as possible.

Instead of sitting on the couch reading pot-boiling page-turners, I’ve taken to just sitting there, staring vacantly into space.    And rather than availing myself of the many cultural charms our fair city has to offer, I make it a point to only go to the lamest, least interesting events out there, if I go at all.

I eat bland food, take the same bike rides over and over again, and watch infomercials on TV.

This has enabled me to make the 16 or so hours I’m awake every day seem double that.  And by combining this with sleepless nights staring that the ceiling worrying about the future, I’ve succeeded in having 24 hours seem more like a week.

And I’ve purposely mad this 327-word essay as ennui-producing as possible so you’ll be able to enjoy summer longer, too.


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