Polka

I didn’t walk up a single hill, not once.

I rode all the way to the top of Dravus Avenue, including that last block that’s so steep the sidewalk has ridges in it to keep pedestrians from sliding backwards.

I even took the challenge of slamming 12 ounces of Snoop Dogg-endorsed Blast malt liquor beverage and then riding down and up one of the gnarliest blocks in all of Seattle.

And to top it off, I actually made the podium, coming in third (with 100 points!) in the “Joker” Division of this year’s revived “Polka Dot Rocker,” checkpoint-style underground bike race famous for its “whiskey, hillclimbing, and suffering.”

It was four years ago when the race was last run, and that time, I mainly bailed, hitting a few checkpoints, and then, after lounging at home, heading off to the after-party. This time, though, I stuck out the whole four hours, and, sort of by accident, ended up taking a route that earned me a higher score than I had any reason beforehand to expect.

It was my one good idea to power up Genessee Street in West Seattle twice to earn a quick thirty, and then head back to town rather than spending a lot of time on that side of the water for not so many more points.

I then headed to Magnolia, mostly because I wanted to check out the Discovery Park lighthouse, a place I’ve never visited. As it was, though, I got completely lost in the park and never even found the place. I did, however, gather up another thirty with my jaunt up Dravus and a visit to Perkins Lane, way down below Magnolia Boulevard.

At this point, I had just enough time to get home for polka dot clothing and a quick stop on Yesler at 32nd right near my house, before the Blast checkpoint on Interlachen, and then off to the Summit to savor my completely unexpected third place finish.