Funover

There’s part of me that doesn’t want to enjoy anything because as soon as you have fun, you can’t help but mourn the loss of it when it’s over.

So, for instance, all this week, I’ve been drag-assing myself around in the wake of last weekend’s good times at Ben Countrywide: The Fourclosure. It’s not exactly like I wish it had never happened, but I do recognize the ups and downs in my life in starker relief when I have the opportunity to ascend a peak, even if it only lasts around 24 hours.

Part of it, I guess, is the run up to the event; I remember noticing this even as a kid of 14 or so, when it seemed weird to me that I was wishing so hard for the days to pass until the upcoming Jethro Tull concert would finally arrive. It struck me as strange that I wanted days that I might normally savor in some way or another to simply slip by as quickly as possible so that I could be there already enjoying the musical stylings of Ian Anderson.

Weirder still is that some four decades later I still experience that same phenomenon. As a matter of the truest fact, I don’t want my life to be slipping away; but as a matter of the way things really are, I’d easily be willing to exchange the days between for the hoped-for eventuality.

But if you carry that out to its logical conclusion, why not just aspire to the full completion and be dead and gone as soon as possible?

Maybe it’s just the age-old question of whether it’s better to have loved and lost or never have loved at all; I think most people would opt for the former, but that doesn’t it mean it doesn’t suck to be in the throes of the latter.

Maybe you just need the next thing to look forward to; in my case now, sleep.