Don't Wanna Do It

I’m finding it increasingly difficult to do things I don’t want to, even relatively simple things like folding the wash, paying bills, or returning an email from my publisher.

And this difficulty is compounded by the fact there isn’t really all that much I do feel like doing, other than riding my bike, tapping out the occasional 327 word piece, and languishing at home in the bosom of my family (so to speak.)

I realize this represents a major character flaw on my part; a superior person would steel himself against his weakness of will and take action to better the world and himself, despite any doubts or misgivings.

Immanual Kant argued that actions only have moral worth if they are done out of a sense of duty; if I volunteer at the soup kitchen because it makes me feel good, for instance, I’m not really doing anything morally commendable; it’s only if I ladle out the potage du jour because I realize I have a responsibility to do so that my actions are to be praised.

If Kant’s right (and there’s a first time for everything), then my behavior of late is undeserving of any positive commendation; I’m not, by and large, behaving badly, but I’m certainly not doing anything to write home about (not that I would, anyway; that’s another thing I don’t feel like doing.)

I appreciate that this is a luxurious position I’m in and I’m aware that it ain’t gonna last; just another few weeks and my days will be almost entirely made of activities that I wouldn’t be doing unless I had to: riding the bus to school, teaching logic, pestering my daughter to get out of bed in the morning.

Consequently, I ought to stop complaining (if that’s what I’m doing) about my inability to get motivated and my failure to behave in a manner that an old dead Prussian would venerate.

But guess what: I don’t feel like it.