Chores to Win

After the Steelers dropped another game they should have won last Sunday, I started feeling sorta relieved, like “Well, at least now I don’t have to worry so much about them and can get on with my life Sundays and the occasional Monday evening.”

But that was just sour grapes and by Tuesday, I was deep into calculations of mathematical possibilities, assured that if the Black n’ Gold run the table—or even if they lose just once more—they ought to be assured of a playoff spot.

So, come Sunday morning, I’m doing what it takes to ensure they win: I got up early and did all the week’s shopping, including a couple of unusual items I had to make an extra stop for; I took out all the garbage and recycling; I did the dishes and put them away; I paid outstanding bills, folded the laundry, vacuumed and mopped the floor, shook out the bathroom rug, and even cleaned up my downstairs office.

The only thing I haven’t done is grade some student papers; I figure if I do a couple that should be enough; I’m not asking for a blowout, just a simple win.

Now, reason tells me that there’s no correlation between my taking care of domestic duties and the Steelers prevailing on the football field. However, experience tells me different. Before last year’s Superbowl, not only did I mow the lawn, but I also washed the windows and scrubbed down the upstairs shower. It’s no wonder that Pittsburgh both crushed Seattle and turned the referees in their favor.

Of course, there have been times I’ve done all my chores and still seen the Steelers lose; the 1997 AFC Championship game, for instance. That can be explained though, by the fact that I failed to vacuum under the couch and that instead of recycling the empty yogurt containers, I just through them in the garbage.

Today, I’m taking no chances; I even dusted.