Angry White Male, Sorta

I’m a white male and I’m angry, but I’m not one of those angry white males you hear so much about—the difference being that I’m mostly angry about white males.

I read the paper and everything I see makes my blood boil and all of it is perpetrated by pasty-faced white guys in suits.

First, we’ve got George Bush going on about a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Doesn’t this guy have more important things to worry about? Just put him on his mountain bike with a full-face helmet and shut him up. Enough already!

Then there’s this gang of white guys in Arizona wanting to build a fence around the good old U.S. of A. How about this: they build a fence around their faces and collapse it in on themselves!

And Jerry Fallwell: why is this guy news? He’s still making noise about AIDS being a punishment from God, right? I’ll tell you what’s a punishment from God: Jerry fuckin’ Fallwell!

Don’t even get me started on Sam Brownback, the Republican Senator from Kansas. First he wants public schools to teach creationism, now he’s on the “save the institution of marriage” bandwagon. I’ve got an idea: if Senator Brownnose likes institutions so much, how about we commit him to a state penal institution. See how long he keeps from being “married” to another guy.

Oh yeah, the Pope weighed in on this one, too. You tell me how a “celibate” man who wears a silk dressing gown and red velvet slippers is supposed to know anything at all about marriage!

And don’t forget Donald Rumsfeld downplaying the alleged massacre of Iraqi civilians in Haditha. Even if it didn’t happen just that way, atrocities have certainly been committed by soldiers—on all sides—in this unjust war. How about Rummy goes and lives in Iraq. Then let’s see how he feels about civilian deaths.

See if he gets as angry about them as me.