All you have to do is spend about a month overplanning an approximately 22-mile prime-themed checkpoint-style alleycat bike race around your hometown that takes riders up some really steep hills and require them to do random things like eat a bowl of pasta primavera and do a drawing for an elementary reader primer.
Meanwhile, you contact a bunch of freakishly generous sponsors, especially New Belgium Brewing Company, and Pryme Gear, but also great folks like Surly Bikes, Madrona Alehouse, Bicycle Fixation, Swrve Cycling, Haulin’ Colin Trailers, Drunk Cyclist, Urban Velo, Swift Industries,Shaun Deller Designs, Chrome Messenger Bags,Momentum Magazine, Cetma Racks,the Skylark Cafe, and DiNotte Lights, who come through in over-the-top ways with prizes for contestants and libations for all involved.
Next, you make certain the day of the race is absolutely beautiful, one mild and sunny afternoon sandwiched between days of rain on either side.
Then, you entice more than forty people to sign up for the event, making sure each one gets a customized shot glass and a homemade Deb’s Lunch powerbar.
Simultaneously, you enlist the support of friends and family members who kindly offer to man various checkpoints despite the goofiness and questionable legal status of several.
To start the race, you simply require riders to do a shot of Jack Daniels Old Number Seven or for non-drinkers, a jigger of black bean juice.
Afterwards, you hightail it home to pick up your Haulin’ Colin trailer full of prizes and pedal quickly to your local alehouse where you sip on a delicious Ranger IPA to await the competitors’ arrival.
You have to be humbled by the winning time of DJ Strokey, who averaged nearly 23 miles an hour, but even more by folks like DFL Holly, who took almost 3 and a half hours to finish.
Finally, you just party till the place closes and miraculously wake up in the morning with your wallet, keys, and laptop not even lost.